Why Don’t You Put Your Hand on Sammy the Silly Stove
- December 28th, 2009
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I’ll concede that Barney plays well with children only if you admit that, in general, it’s a bad idea to teach your kids to play with dinosaurs.
I’ll concede that Barney plays well with children only if you admit that, in general, it’s a bad idea to teach your kids to play with dinosaurs.
People probably wouldn’t hate you as much if you were prettier.
It’s not that I think you’re boring or anything, it’s just that your personality was designed by a minimalist.
Should we be more worried of the mall Santa, a fat, dirty old man who chooses a profession that consists primarily of having young children sit on his lap, or of the huge line of young children wanting to sit on the lap of a fat, dirty old man?
Merry Christmas everyone. All Jesus wants is to raise the roof.
Listen. Just because he’s a dog and likes peanut butter doesn’t excuse the fact that I was molested by him.
Although I appreciate the irony, I really wish I hadn’t misplaced my “Improving Your Memory” book.
I dated this gal that was pro-life until I was able to convince her that an abortion was really just God adopting the baby.
The most successful people I know wear their failures alongside their achievements.
I’m sorry that I excused myself so abruptly for a smoke break. It’s not that I really needed one, I was just tired of hearing about your fucking cat.
Also this.
Ideally, we are born confused and die amazed.